You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. You really have no idea what child support means. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. Seriously? Imagine the following scenarios. Thats reality. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Like getting child support is easy. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. This is so hard for me. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. Does that make him an asshole? I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? WTF are you reading? You dont have an obligation to be faithful to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend! I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Wellyeah. Take this as a lesson learned. Or shes against abortion. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. Men AND women have walked away from children. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. bittergaymark What happens when *she* gets pregnant and he still doesnt want to be a father? At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Oh, really? lets_be_honest April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. But just my guess. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. If there is no child at conception He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. Are you kidding? bittergaymark And yes men create children. Its not a gender-based law. Abandoning a child does. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Hold the phone. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. . I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. Someone else has assumed it. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. April 9, 2012, 2:39 pm. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. All I can say is therapy. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. 2. April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. female And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. We met up again and my family grew fond of him finally. Nice way to generalize. April 9, 2012, 9:16 pm. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. If you are so against men having to pay for a child they dont want that was nonetheless created by their penis couldnt you make this issue a hell of a lot easier by just telling your male friends to wrap it up? Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. Steve Kellmeyer Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. Just reduces the chances. 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. evanscr05 an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. Addie Pray It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. Thats what youre always nattering about. It is scummy though. That isnt the case. SweetsAndBeats Francine If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. Is that pretty much it? Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. The guy and the woman had sex. Because he had sex? But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. When you ended it you knew it was over. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Id confirm that hes actually the father. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. How does your law see that both get what they want? I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. at risk of STDs. Step away slowly. It says there is no child at conception. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. Chuck Pelto According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Actions have consequences. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. And you cant have conception without sperm. LW says they were separated for two months. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. Abortion is safe and legal, right? She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. That goes for women as well. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together.
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